


But You Never Fade

by cowboys_in_space



Category: Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: M/M, a major character is confirmed dead, definitely bitterseet, there is some angst, while it does not show death in the fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-20 07:15:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10657584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowboys_in_space/pseuds/cowboys_in_space
Summary: Spock feels the need to visit Leonard on his birthday. He's done this every year, no matter the situation or the inconvenience it is to him.





	But You Never Fade

It was exactly midnight when Spock ascended the steps to the porch, careful to avoid the third. He had climbed these often enough to know that it would give out exactly 52 percent of the time, and those odds were simply not worth it. Leonard McCoy should have moved to a new house long ago; a man of his age could not adequately make the repairs.

However, Leonard McCoy was, as he would say, “stubborn as an ox.” This house had memories, and he'd be here until his last breath. He had not been on active duty as an admiral for some time now, which suited him well. He could be in this house, walking distance from a town where he could buy anything that he may need. No need to use the transporters that he so hated, nor worry about getting lost in space. Just quiet days in the Georgia heat.

It was quite preferable for Spock that Leonard had chosen to settle in “down south.” The temperature was warm enough that he could visit the human with minimal discomfort whenever the need arose. Such as now.

Leonard was sitting in a rocking chair on the porch, medical journal in hand.

“It is illogical for you to read those,” Spock said, satisfied that the other man jumped. He supposed that Leonard would be satisfied if he knew of Spock’s satisfaction. “You are far too old to be on active medical duty. You will never use the information.”

“Don't sneak up on me like that!” The ex-CMO snapped. “At my age, you could give me cardiac arrest, pulling that sort of stunt!”

“Impossible,” Spock replied cooly. “You have not yet told me why you would continue to read medical journals.”

“I like to stay up to date,” McCoy explained. “There's new stuff being discovered all the time. Didja know, they've got a way to treat Amborian fever now? That was deadly, even a few weeks ago, but now no one has to die from it again. That’s the sort of thing I wouldn’t know about if I didn’t keep up to date.”

“I had heard,” Spock said. It was good to see the doctor passionate about something.

“The real question is, why are you here in the middle of the night?” McCoy asked, flipping from interrogated to interrogator. “You should be resting up for all the important admiral stuff they still let you do.” The fact that he could no longer do the same hung in the air between them.

“That question is inaccurate, Doctor. It is now morning.”

“You know what I meant, Spock. And don't call me Doctor; I haven't been yours in… well, it has been quite a while.”

“As true as that may be, ‘Doctor’ is still your title. Your MD did not become any less valid simply through lack of use.”

“Well, look who’s feeling defensive this morning.”

“I assure you, I feel no such thing.”

Leonard scoffed. “Of course you don’t, Spock. Of course you don’t.” They were quiet for a while, simply enjoying each other’s company (although Spock would never admit to the enjoyment). Finally, Leonard broke the quiet. “You still haven’t told me why you’re here.”

“It is your birthday, Leonard,” Spock stated.

“Past midnight… I suppose you’re right.” A smile crept across his face. “Did you get me a present, or am I to believe that you are my present?”

Spock raised an eyebrow at that. “You know as well as I do that one cannot own another person within Federation law.”

“You know what I mean, Spock,” Leonard said. “A surprise visit from my husband is a great birthday present.”

At that, Spock merely nodded.

“Another year gone,” Leonard muttered thoughtfully. “I’m surprised that you didn’t forget. You haven’t missed any of my birthdays yet.”

“I am not certain that I am capable of forgetting,” Spock admitted. “No matter how long it has been, I cannot forget.”

They were silent again for a while. Just sitting together.

“You know,” Leonard said, looking up, “the view of the stars from Earth seems better than from any other planet.”

“That is illogical. While the viewpoints would differ, the patterns made from outside of our galaxy remain the same.”

“There is no north star on other planets,” Leonard said, pointing to the star in question. “Not to mention, the moon just looks right hanging up in the sky.”

“The moon and the stars are different entities; the moon should not affect the perceived beauty of different celestial objects.”

“Yet it does. It gives our night sky something different from any other, which makes it seem more like home than any other.”

“A sense of familiarity can be healthy, for people who allow emotions to control their lives.”

“And for those who feel emotions, but choose not to act on them,” Leonard added with a raise of his eyebrow and a pointed look at Spock. “That’s why you still create this illusion every year, right? Why you still access the imprint that I made on your mind, and play out this familiar scene, every year.”

Spock didn’t respond.

“I know it’s hard for you, Spock,” Leonard said. “Hell, I can _feel_ how hard it is for you. But this isn’t real.” When Spock didn’t respond, this Leonard changed tactics. “It is illogical for you to grasp at the memory of a ghost like this. It’s been _years._ I’m a part of you, and I always will be, but that means that you can feel that I want you to let go. I want you to let yourself be happy. I think it’s time for you to wake up.”

“I do not wish to leave you,” Spock admitted.

“I know,” Leonard said. He reached out two of his fingers. Spock placed his own two matching fingers over Leonard’s. This was, in the physical world, more than a kiss. It was connecting one’s mind to the other’s. Allowing, just for a moment, for two to become one. Here, where there was no other mind to be connected to, it was just the false feeling of touch created within Spock’s imagination.

Spock opened his eyes. He was in his quarters on the Vulcan ship _Terrasin,_ on his way to a diplomatic meeting.

He cried.

**Author's Note:**

> I love heartbreaking stuff, sorry!


End file.
